Free Narcotics Anybody ???

This is a real ad, found in one of those FREE Employment Weekly newspapers shelved by grocery store entrances and exits.

Though I am employed, I grabbed one a couple of months ago just to see what was what.

And I was stunned to see this…

Is it just me, or does this seem like a really bad idea?

I mean, this is Cleveland, Ohio. The economy isn’t exactly booming. Masses are unemployed. And if not unemployed, than underemployed. Meaning they are working several part-time jobs and/or whatever they can find to make ends meet.

Cleveland’s economy has been somewhat depressed—the fallout being many ‘depressed’ people. Is it good form to dope them up? Offer them drugs?

After I got over my shock, I thought of rounding up the family and friends to get in on this.

Like, maybe we could call up and schedule to go in together. We could line up for our fix, then kind of hang out and be strung out together.

It wouldn’t exactly be Hilton Head, but some might call it a vacation.

From Ohio Clinical Trials website…

The Clinical Pharmacology Unit is a self-sufficient, ~10,000 square-foot, 39-bed facility located less than one mile from a hospital emergency room and approximately one city block from an emergency response team. The Clinical Pharmacology Unit can house clinical study participants for weeks at a time, and it provides laundry facilities, a recreation area, wireless internet, and bedrooms with cable television. Meals are catered by a local vendor, and a dietician is available for specialized diets.

To those without jobs, unable to pay their rent, put food on the table—sort of sounds like a country club, or at least free food and shelter. Maybe even a vacation. Or at least a vacation from reality.

I’m not experienced in the use of narcotics. I’m not a smoker, though I’ve tried it. Nor am I much of a drinker. I don’t seem to have an ‘addictive personality’ with those things. I can take or leave the alcohol, mostly because I have a lot of fun without it—no need to lower my inhibitions to have fun, or to loosen me up. I’m kind of loose anyway…

And so I might be a really good candidate for this medical experiment. I could snort what they passed to me. And walk away without wanting to head back for more clinical trials.

Unless they’re testing chocolate–or sugar. If I was snorting sugar, I might never leave. I do love my dessert. And I doubt my ability to live without a cupcake…

After I worked through the shock, then laughed (a lot), I got a bit angry.

Not because this place exists. I think we all understand the need for medical studies, in order to cure disease. Pharmaceuticals must be tested before being prescribed to the general public. And though it isn’t hard to make a case against this type of testing—or even against any/all pharmaceutical testing—those who have a child fighting cancer, or a loved one who is alive because a new treatment option became available in time to help will argue the other side.

The complexities run deep.

I was more offended by the marketing strategy than the overall concept. Because the ad was in a publication (likely non-profit) dedicated to helping people find employment, it seemed predatory.

I’m sure for $3500, many made that call.

On the other hand, I wonder if they are still looking for takers? Maybe I should reconsider and round up a few friends to go in for a long weekend…


About Amy Lauria

Artist. Writer. Single Parent of two college students. Beach Walker. Dog owner who walks outdoors to maintain sanity. Into shiny objects, vacations, glitter, cupcakes, sports, and my beloved sticks, stones and beach glass.
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4 Responses to Free Narcotics Anybody ???

  1. SallyK says:

    Tough job, but somebody’s got to do it – all in the name of science, you know 😉

  2. Stella says:

    I know you find the ad to be offensive, but I will share my 2 cents that may (or may not) shed some insight on the purpose of the ad. While it seems a little predatory, it is placed that way for a specific reason. The news has been rampant with robberies and stories of crimes committed by people addicted to drugs. If you are desperate, and in pain from withdrawl the ad is suppose to sound better to you than breaking into someone’s home and stealing their property to obtain drugs. Also, due to the state and federal crackdown on prescription drug abuse, the drug makers are now faced with the challenge of finding new medications that are safe, effective, and non habit forming. Daunting task. Pain is subjective, it cannot be seen on a test. They are offering the hotel like setting, so the patient may detox from previous medications, conditions that require the medication can be safely monitored, and the patient can try the new medication formula in a safe, controlled environment.

    • Amy Lauria says:

      Okay–that makes sense!! Thanks for taking the time to explain, because it seemed to me that there HAD to be a reason, but I had no idea what it was! Probably perplexed would be a better word than offended…

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